WASHINGTON, January 8, 2018: Trump Derangement Syndrome has turned America into a land of fairy tales. Chief among them is the story claiming the great fire-breathing dragon Trump, crouching covetously over the nation’s glittering treasury, was handed the U.S. presidency by a meddling, dancing Russian bear.
But we later discovered the authors of that imaginative tale were the Clinton presidential campaign, the Democratic National Committee, former British spy Christopher Steele, his employer Fusion GPS, our mainstream-media bards and, believe it or not, that meddling, dancing Russian bear.
My, what big ears you have
Enter the big, bad Wolff – author Michael Wolff to be exact.
This well known writer of fairy tales has just come out with a novel new tale. In it, everyone inside the fire-breathing dragon’s administration has intimated that the scaly beast with an orange-hued pompadour is not fit for office by virtue of mental instability.
Former White House knight-errant, the Don Quixotesque Stephen Bannon, helped further the first fairy tale mentioned above by claiming Donald Trump Jr. and Paul Manafort, the dragon’s former presidential campaign manager, acted in a “treasonous” manor by meeting with Russians who claimed to have incriminating emails from Democratic presidential candidate and screeching banshee, Hillary Rodham Clinton.
You may recall that the banshee was saved from certain legal doom by Prince Charming and former FBI Director James Comey, who was later set afire by the fire-breathing dragon.
Big, Bad Wolff fairy tales disclaimer
Getting back to the Big, Bad Wolff… He makes so many wild and fanciful charges in his new compendium of fairy tales, “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House,” that he’s boldly informed anyone who will listen he can huff, and puff, and blow the Trump White House down.
Unfortunately, such bold claims are hard to take seriously when the fairy tale comes with an author’s disclaimer:
“Many of the accounts of what has happened in the Trump White House are in conflict with one another… These conflicts, and that looseness with the truth, if not with reality itself, are an elemental thread of the book… I have… settled on a version of events I believe to be true.”
With that hedgy bit of huffing and puffing, the Big, Bad Wolff only served to blow down his already rather shaky credibility as a journalist.
Meanwhile, the fire-breathing dragon announced via Twitter that he will hand out “Fake News Awards” to the “most corrupt & biased of the Mainstream Media… losers on Wednesday.”
Instead, the dragon should rename this event “The Fairy-Tale Hour,” during which the emotional adolescents of the Trump “resistance” gather at the National Mall to read juicy portions of the Big, Bad Wolff’s story while sitting on the lap of Abraham Lincoln’s statue at that martyred president’s monument.
Then, send the little whippers off for their midday naps.